Yo Momma's So Fat !!!

Yo momma's so fat,she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac

Yo momma's so fat,when she walked in front of the TV I missed 3 commercials

Yo momma's so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale

Yo momma's so fat, when she steps on the scale it says one at a time please

Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she gets and estimate

Yo momma's so fat, at a restaurant when they give her the menu she replies "Yes please"

Yo momma's so fat, when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her back in the water

Yo momma's so fat,when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan

Yo momma's so fat, when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"

Yo momma's so fat, she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic

Yo momma's so fat,she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck

Yo momma's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.

Yo momma's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips

Yo momma's so fat,they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through

Yo momma's so fat,she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change

Yo momma's so fat, the horse on her Polo shirt is real

Yo momma's so fat,when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station

Yo momma's so fat,all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Momma"

Yo momma's so fat, when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton

Yo momma's so fat,when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down

Yo momma's so fat,when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blankets" she got back in bed

Yo momma's so fat,she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth

Yo momma's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her

Yo momma's so fat,a picture of her fell off the wall!

Yo momma's so fat, her picture takes two frames

Yo momma's so fat,her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard

Jessica Turns 1

I've never seen a 1 year old eat so many chips and sweets in one day, it was incredible. Howie had a close shave though when Jessica promptly up-chucked and managed to miss his head by a ball hair.

Here are some snaps of the party that went down on Sunday. If it wasn't for me saving the day at the last minute, that birthday cake wouldn't have had a candle on it. That's what uncles are for....

Super 14 Final - Sharks vs Bulls

There's no point harping on about it, they won, we lost - here's some pictures from the day.....

My New Pride and Joy

I did something a little crazy last week. What we have here is one times Ford Phantom and my newly purchased Yamaha YZ125. The girls will appreciate that all the colours match here, but it's pure coincidence I can assure you. I took my new toy for a test ride last week and rode it over the road from the ballie's place into the cane fields. I think the sign at the dirt road entrance marked "Private Property" and the picture of a motor bike with a big black line through it was more of a guideline than an instruction. Although the 3 girls on horseback I passed on 2 occasions didn't look overly excited about the fact that the tranquility of their Sunday stroll was being poisoned by the wine of a very loud 2-stroke motocross bike. I'm sure they'll get over it.

Anyway, this puppy is awesome. It's got a helluva lot of power to give and at the moment I'm only pulling a fraction of what it has to offer. Either I'll successfully learn how to ride this thing or my over confidence will land me in hospital. Thankfully medical aid is coming through this week.

Sharks Make South African Rugby History

Ok, so not much of a story needed here. We all know what went down on Saturday, the Sharks convincingly booted the Blues out of the Super 14 and the Bulls helped secure an all SA Final by successfully getting rid of the Crusaders. I was there at Kings Park to witness it all and the atmosphere inside the stadium was out of this world. The only time I've been happier on a rugby day was back in '95 when we took the World Cup. I've tried to upload 2 videos from Saturday but You Tube is giving me attitude. I will keep trying and hopefully you'll be able to have some idea of what it was like being there.

Andy was there at the stadium this morning at 6am to get our 29 tickets, but they sold out when he was 30m from the ticket office. Needless to say there will be a massive braai going down this weekend, probably at Tont's house. Looking forward to every minute of it. GO SHARKS !!!!!!
Billy on anti-biotics...very responsible

Shortly before the bar ran out of beer

Anti-biotics kicking in

Umdloti

I've been a little quiet on the blog front, so to keep you a little interested here's a few snaps from the recent days in Umdloti. For those of you overseas I'll try my best to post a few more pics of Durban in the near future.

Baj

Gymnastics Gone Wrong

This is just too funny not to share. Perhaps if gymnastics were always like this it might carry a higher profile

Cotswold Downs

It's going to be easy to review this golf course. Are you ready? Here comes the review.......

Cotswold Downs is the best golf course I have ever played in my life. Better than Princes Grant, better than Durban Country Club, better than Wentworth for that matter. There you have it, review over!

Other relevant info:

Cotswold Downs is situated off Inanda road in Hillcrest. They'll rush you R250 during the week and R300 on the weekend. This price includes compulsory cart and the carts come equipped with iced water bottles for it's passengers.

The course isn't particularly long, although between tees there are some good distances. The fairways have placing (not needed) and the greens are also, quite simply, the best I've ever putted on. They hold nicely and once you've hit your putt the ball stays true all the way to it's final destination (Not often the hole!).

Feature Holes

This Par 3 on the left here has to be the course's feature hole for me. I reckon depending on wind conditions this baby could require you to hit anything from a 6 iron to a wedge. From the tee box you drop almost vertically down and between you and the green (approximately 40m below you) is a small section of water guarding the dance floor. Not a difficult hole by any means but such an enjoyable one to play.

Another great looking hole is the stroke one 17th. It too has an elevated tee box and the fairway leads you to a series of well place bunkers. It dog legs right and your second shot sees you pop one over the water again and although not a lengthy hole, it is definitely an intimidating one. I pulled my tee shot left, it bounced on the path into the bush and I walked the hole - looking forward to the next time though.

If you get the chance make sure you play this course. What's also great is that it's not like driving to the Wild Coast or heading North to Zimbali or Princes Grant, it's just around the corner for us guys. Shuz you're gonna have to come out of retirement for this one I'm afraid, you won't regret it.

Splashy Fen 2007

The good news is that I made it out alive of yet another festival and just because Splashy is about one tenth the size of Glastonbury doesn't mean that it's any easier on the body and soul.

It all started on Thursday afternoon. I met Braura (Bren and Laura) on an off-ramp along the N3 near Assegay and we started the trip to Underberg. A pretty uneventful trip really other than the near hit of a cow by one of the cars behind me. The sack of biltong I had to keep me company did what it said on the box. It really is a pity that I'm now a responsible South African because I could have easily taken down half a dozen beers along the way.

When we arrived we hooked up with Gerard who had missioned there on the Wednesday in a bid to secure the primest of prime real estate that was on offer. I think the view above confirms that he did in fact secure this particular section with brilliant success. This was my first Splashy but the veterans among us all agreed that this was definitely one of the best spots available - nice one Gerard.

Thursday night was spent in typical fashion on the first night of a festival. Way too many beers get consumed and the fact that you're here for a long time seems to elude the human brain. Candice and Doug had "kindly" lent me there circus tent for the weekend and I was told that without one of them being there to assist, there was no way I would put the tent up. It's a 10 man and I think it even comes with a study....it's flippin massive!! After about an hour in the dark, 4 of us finally admitted defeat and I reluctantly made the call to Durban. I was greeted by hilarious laughter and once it had subsided I got down to business. It was with the sour taste of smugness that I learned from Candice that they had in fact given me a 10 man tent with only enough poles to erect a 3 man tent. Apparently a whole other sack of poles were standing idly in a garage in Hillcrest. The laughter from Hillcrest turned to apologies and it was time to make another plan. Luckily I had gone down in the ballie's bakkie and this was to be my new sleeping quarters for the weekend.
If we look confused it's because we were. It took 5 of us an hour to erect this thing





Friday morning we woke up with hangovers and opened a beer. Most of the other guys arrived on Friday and in total there must have been over 20 of us. On this day we just did festival stuff and generally passed the day away with eating, drinking and walking around catching the odd band. A good day for a Friday.
Saturday we woke up feeling a little bit frailer and at the half-way point you could definitely start feeling the pain of the slog of a festival kicking in. I suppose the "highlight" of the day (other than the Sharks score against the Reds) was the case of the squatter in a certain person's sleeping quarters. Saturday evening around 7 we decided to make the mission to the bands. I started packing up and taking the cooler box back to the bakkie. When I got to the bakkie I could see a pair of shoes inside on my mattress which I thought was a bit odd because I was wearing the only pair of shoes I had brought. Upon closer inspection I realised that there was someone sleeping in the back of the bakkie and he had laid out my mattress and was in it for the long haul. No matter how much pulling of legs and shining of torches in his face he couldn't be woken. Eventually myself and Bren had to literally drag him out and then pick him up and carry him over to a section of grass and lie him down. The crazy thing was that as soon as he hit the ground he instinctively woke up and tried to get back in the bakkie. He told us through dazed facial expressions that this was his mate's bakkie and to please just leave him alone because he wanted to go to bed. In the end we managed to lock the bakkie up and had to leave him still standing at the bakkie trying to pry open the windows and unlock the doors. Crazy stuff!!!!!!!! When we got back that night he wasn't there and I would love to know where he spent the night.By Sunday you could see by people's expressions that it was time to leave. I'm sad to say that we couldn't last til the Monday and so in a mass evacuation we all legged it back to the safety of our homes, not before a 2 hour drive though, which was mentally and physically challenging in it's own right.
I've never had a bad festival and this one wasn't an exception. Even though you don't get the international bands like you would in Ireland or the UK, this festival seems to be more about the fact that you're just simply camping with your mates and that there's music there whenever you feel the need to go and get some. Even though the fetival crushed us on the penultimate day I don't think I've been beaten forever and I'm sure I'll be there next year again. Make sure you guys overseas make it back by then.

Later,

Baj
A tall man from Barnes once told me....."Failing to prepare is preparing to fail"

Security not so tight down here in the South